Grammar Blog: Week 4: Sentenced to Sentence.

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In an absolute cliche opening to a post asking a question about something most people know, I will reveal the dictionary definition of a sentence, or this title will make even less sense than it already does.

Grammar. a grammatical unit of one or more words that expresses an independent statement, question, request, command, exclamation,etc., and that typically has a subject as well as a predicate, as in Johnis here. or Is John here? In print or writing, a sentence typically begins with a capital letter and ends with appropriate punctuation; in speech it displays recognizable, communicative intonation patterns and is oftenmarked by preceding and following pauses.

So we/I know what a sentence does. I guess we’re done. Thanks for reading.

Looks like I’ve lost my elevator music.

While I’m looking for that, let me think about sentences.

It’s about communication. It’s not a terribly great revelation, unfortunately.

That being said, the order does matter. Sentences are methods by which we exchange information with one another while retaining the subject, verb, and object. Every sentence should have a purpose and if we’re lucky, each sentence is indeed conveying a new kind of information.

Otherwise, the sentence is redundant. I’m pretty sure my sentences only deliver the most up to date information. Yes, my sentences, they only deliver the most critical of words and the most rigorously set standard of new information. These, my words, are only capable of sending relevant and refreshed info- giphy

I must also say, I’ve used Grammarly for this post, and I’ve only been called out on four errors.If we’re going by the blog standard, I must have earned a triple platinum credit card by now.

No, I don’t know how those two thoughts are related to the subject at hand, but I would certainly love a triple platinum credit card. It must have three times the platinum!

Where would we be without the order imposed on us by English Grammar and sentence structure?

Know don’t I.

End post the of coming is.

Elevator, is oh here music

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GRAMMAR BLOG: WEEK 3. Correctness is in the Eye of the Beholder.

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Full disclosure: I never played the game listed above. I just thought it was a cool title. Super Nintendo covers had a certain charm to them which isn’t really replicated anymore. That’s my subjective opinion that’s mainly based on five-year-old me’s perception of things and I’m sticking with it, because if there’s ever an answer for artistic subjectivity, it lies in the mind of five-year-old me.

I have no idea if I know what I’m talking about. So in a sense, grammar and artistic critique are very much the same for me. I just know it feels right when I see it.

But of course, correctness is varied in different contexts.

Let’s take a look at one.

overwatch-heroes-background-blizzard-1080x623

Like I need to talk about more video games.

Formal: Overwatch is the greatest game Blizzard has released in the past five years.

Informal: Guys, Overwatch is the best thing Blizz has come out with, in like, a decade.

Slang (probably used in game): gud one blizz.

The formal one is the most accurate in its description because it leaves very little to open interpretation.

The informal one has information and has pauses in conversation that one is likely to hear. It also has an approximation of certain information, but it is not certain.

The slang sentence is one a player is likely to read in-game from another player quickly typing on a keyboard. It uses three words as opposed to the formal sentence that used thirteen.

Each sentence is correct in their own respective context, so when I mean “Correctness is in the Eye of the Beholder,” I mean “Correctness is applicable in varying circumstances and is up to the collective whole to decide the proper usage… in the Eye of the Beholder.”

But really guys, play more video games, it can’t hurt.

Grammar Blog: Week 2. What do I Know About Wars?

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We live in a world where Star Wars and grammar etiquette can be combined into one. Hell, I didn’t even use Yoda, and one cannot imagine the restraint needed to avert that.

I do, not try.

A little too forced, but that’s what you get when I type in “Grammar Wars” into Google and come out with grammar etiquette and Star Wars.

I’m not sure what I can write about the grammar wars we’ve already committed. I mean, I can say I’m more cognizant of the various types of grammar. I have a sense for what sounds right and how to “correct” most inconsistencies, but there is still more for me to discover. For example, before I had no idea there was really a separate category between informal and casual, but the more I saw them, the better my understanding was. The difference between informal and formal seemed to be a bit more subtle since they’re so close to each other.

I can now see the difference is in the details. Informal seems to have proper attention to detail, but with more superfluous information that isn’t necessary for the completion of the sentence. Closer to speaking, whereas formality is clarified in the writing.

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Spoilers: Worf joins the cast in season 4.

“Is it alright that DS9, you know, the Star Trek spin off, is considered the best series in the Trek franchise?”

compared to

“Can Star Trek: Deep Space Nine be considered the best television series in the franchise’s history?”

Less acronyms and repetition make the latter sound stronger. It sounds like that was written while the former sounds like something that I would say.

Let’s take a moment to admire the fact that I transitioned from Star Wars to Star Trek wonderfully.

 

This really makes my post seem a lot longer, so therefore, better.

So it turns out I don’t know a lot about wars, but through this trek, maybe I can learn a little more.

Grammar Blog: Week 1. I Thought About Irony. It’s Probably More Annoying Than Capitalizing Every Word In This Title.

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Perhaps I’ve become more GIF than man. It is an interesting question that may or may not have anything to do with the topic at hand. Would staying on topic really help?

Oh hello, second monitor, I think that lo-.

So writing.

There are a few things to choose from in regards to my annoyances with word crimes. The uninventive (My spellcheck may not believe this is a word, but in my heart of hearts, it now is.), but still true pet peeve would be the use of irony in anything.

I’m looking at you, Alannis.

Jagged little pill indeed.

Okay, in the interest of not sounding like a total asshole, I can recognize that she recognized the non-irony (Don’t care spellcheck, still using it.) nature of her hit.

One need only to look (If that phrase isn’t a little pretentious, I don’t know what is. Maybe more offensive than the use of so many. ()) to Bender from Futurama.

Anyway, it’s all Morissette’s fault. One, for the whole misrepresentation of irony, and two, for making me actually type out her name.

A random example of irony, which I hope is correct, because man, wouldn’t it be ironic if in seeking to provide good examples of irony, I failed and Morissetted it?

I set about saving the world with a device meant to save it, but in the end, because of horrible horrible fate, I destroy it with the same device meant to save it.

Okay, that’s more tragic irony, but I think it’s clear.

Fine fine, just look to Bender. He provides the dictionary definition of irony, while I provided a ridiculously tragic dramatic one.

It all counts.

But anyway, you’ve probably heard this from your English teachers or professors at some point. If you’re not sure about the correct usage of irony, just replace it with “funny” or “weird” and you should come out golden.

I only hope I could help.

Fifty Shades of Awesome

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There are plenty of reasons to blog, just as there are many reasons to return to blogging.

Some might say there’s even… 50 shades of reas-

I’m sorry. I came back after all this time just to ugh you, and for that I apologize.

To make it up to you, reader, I’ve decided to do something amazing. Something so amazing that only the Internet could provide it.

Fifty Shades word generator.

Through various technological breakthroughs in erotic fiction generation, we now have the dark magic to recreate enough passages to guarantee an accurate representation of actual world class erotic literature.

I bet it’s the first time you’ve associated Fifty Shades o-

f Grey with word class literature. Or anything not related to a garbage dump.

Fear no more, readers, soon you read and hear the majesty of Fifty Shades and be convinced.

Might I also say: THIS IS VERY EXPLICIT, WRONG SOUNDING, FUNNY SHIT THAT YOU SHOULD NOT READ OR HEAR.

So let’s begin!

He curled a giant butt nugget on my superdroopers just so he could gobble it up like a bulldog eating porridge. I awoke the next morning with my front bum still leaking. I thought it was over but his battering ram had other ideas. My wunder down under was trembling like a shitting dog. When he removed his eight inches of throbbing pink jesus from my fart valve, he was pleasantly surprised to see a butt nugget staring back as him. He knew I couldn’t wait to chow down on the hardened fudge nugget off his throbbing quim dagger. The raiding of my fudge factory was so vigorous, he soon found his man berries joining his flesh gordon deep in my other vagina.

With words like that, one must wonder why art even tries anymore.

Some asshole with a voice recorder read that passage, but even his tones conveyed the true artistic integrity of “flesh gordon.”

Batman barged in and said “WHERE ARE THE WEAPONS?” He gave in after seeing my recording session and demanded that I let him record. I can’t speak to the mysterious of the Dark Knight, but something tells me he was waiting for an opportunity like this.

That was the glory of Fifty Shades of Generator. Please come by and check out more hilarity. More will probably be up… eventually.

If you excuse me, I have to get Batman to stop laughing.

Baseball Is Suppose to Hurt.

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I take this shit way too seriously.

Seriously.

So seriously, I’m writing a blog post about it.

Well, not so much as writing, but finding the perfect quote to summarize my feelings.

I feel a combination of dread, disappointment, anger, and even a small bit of relief.

It’s over. The journey of the 2014 Dodgers season has ended and I got to see it from its inception to its bitter conclusion.

The story of a 94-68 season ends on a groundout to second, because really, how else could it end? It’s baseball.

The greatest pitcher on the planet couldn’t prevent…baseball.

He had the curve that anyone could admire, because certainly no was going to hit it, but… you know what I mean. But it was hit. It was hit so far that if one looked close enough, the dreams and hopes of all the LA Blue shattered on impact.

You know what? Probably didn’t need to see that closely at all.

If it sounds maudlin that’s because it is.

I found that quote, by the way. I hope you enjoy my reading of it.

[Baseball] breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall all alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops. – A.Bartlett Giamatti, Take Time For Paradise: Americans And Their Games.

Feeling in the Gut

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Eeesh
Subliminal desire
Fantastical feel
What have I that a Crier
Would say I deal?
10 9 8- Too late- It’s already gone.

Out the Window
Your query is unrecognized,
But your blood pulses.
You’re not quite mechanized,
Though that will be Chultz’s
To know today.

It’s like going around in circles.